Shameful Classics Week: The "Bad Guy's Lair" songs

I admitted this to a friend recently, and I still laugh at myself about it. I have a little bit of a "thing" for the "Bad Guy's Lair Numbers" in Hindi movies. It's very random, I know, and extremely shameful. I mean WHO fantasizes about being kidnapped by the bad guys and forced to do a song and dance number in their cave/palace/mansion? Uhhh, that would be me.

If you aren't too familiar with the "Bad Guy's Lair" in Hindi films, may I suggest a look at my Bollyblogging Guru & Inspiration Beth Loves Bollywood's post about "Villain's Lairs" and the best ones according to her? Some of these are really fab.

The whole point of the "Bad Guy's Lair Number" is to distract the villain with the heroine's sparkly sultriness so the hero can go rescue people/find the diamonds/sneak into the lair to fight the bad guy/etc. Or she can be there to sneak into the lair herself and rescue someone. Sometimes it's the heroine alone, and sometimes it's along with the hero who has disguised himself as a performer to sneak into the lair.

I have realized over the years that I have a sort of penchant for these numbers and have always secretly dreamed of being tasked with this responsibility (never mind the fact that the villain would probably laugh in my face). But in the spirit of disclosing Shameful Bollywood secret pleasures this week, I have decided to list my favorite "Bad Guy's Lair Numbers" for you:

1. Yamma Yamma - Shaan
The movie features my favorite bad guy lair ever - Shakaal's boardroom-of-DOOM was amazing. And this song is my favorite bad guy's lair fantasy song EVER. I totally wanted to be a part of this dangerous dance team. I think this is the most awkward dance Parveen Babi ever did. And I kinda loved Bindiya Goswami, what happened to her? Love how Shakaal is sitting in the golden throne of awesome. Can someone confirm for me whether or not the Chick in Red is Helen?


2.  Ghazar Ne Kiya Hai Ishara - Tridev
Apparently the gaudier your outfit, the more entranced the villains are by your seductiveness. Do you think Amrish Puri just happened to have these outfits in their sizes hanging around in his lair? Let's play which chick would you want to be? I vote for Sonam, I love the all white/silver outfit. I remember around the time this movie released, there was a gossip item that said Madhuri threw a fit during shooting this number because Sonam's aunt sewed extra sparkly stuff onto her outfit. They solved it when Sonam's aunt sewed extra sparkly stuff on Mads outfit too. Apparently Sangeeta Bijlani stayed out of it. Mads, Mads, Mads - DIVA much? Oh and in other scary thoughts, Sonam was 15 when they started shooting this, and she was paired with Naseerudin Shah. Gahhh. But check out the LAIR. It's got waterfalls, bamboo bridges, the GIANT golden sun clock, cave walls with a built in bar, exposed wooden beams and handy jail cells! Note: I totally love Amrish Puri's looks of amusement while the girls dance around him. He doesn't seem lecherous at all, he seems like a kindly old Uncle. Are they roasting kebabs at the end? How cool!

 

3. Toofan - Vishwatma
Apparently mullets are a prereq to being a villain in this lair. Amrish has also acquired African Zulu henchmen by this film. They also installed a pool. Sweet! And Sonam ditched Mads & Sangeeta for Divya Bharati and Jyotsna Singh (yeah, I know. WHO?). I like how prisoner Naseerudin gets to join in the party.



4. Reshmi Ujala Hai - Sharmilee
You gotta love a villain's lair that has an attached cabaret club. It can also double as a gym to practice your Olympic gymnastics - those rings can be very useful! This one is a cornucopia of sins - money, booze, women! And wow! Rakhee looks HOT. Both of her.




 5. Khatooba - Ali Baba aur 40 Chor
Man I was terrified for the gorgeous Zeenat in this song, but she handles all these crazy dudes so well. And can a magical cave Bad Guy's Lair be ANY COOLER? It's got a light up disco floor!!! She's got a lot at stake too with her father trapped in a pit. Oh and the part where the ghost/genie appears used to freak me out as a kid. I have a remix of this song on my iPod and it's amazing when you're on the treadmill. The end where she gets slapped? Sooo not cool. Please don't think I have a chicks getting slapped fetish, because I don't.



6. Nayak Nahin Khal Nayak Hoon Mein - Khal Nayak
OMG this song. Madhuri was out of this world in this movie - I totally loved her even though she was slightly cracked. She totally infiltrated Sanju Baba's gang. Now this song isn't quite representative of trying to distract the bad guy with your song & dance, but it's still quite a grand display of the Lair! Check out Khal Nayak's mansion! Ramya Krishnan seems pretty happy to be there celebrating with him. I think she got her outfits from Amrish Puri's stash of gaudy girl outfits. Sanju is looking pimptastic! And hey! Those are the same background dancer girls from Ole Ole (Yeh Dillagi) and Loye Loye (Yaarana)!



7. Aankhon Ke Aage Peeche - Rajkumar
This movie was redonkulus. Just look at evil Naseerudin's devil outfit! And he is super creepy in this. So is Madhuri w/ those Rani Mukherjee contacts. I have decided I don't like Angry-Trying-to-be-Sexy!Madhuri at all. Look at Anil Kapoor's expression at 3:03. That's how I was watching this whole song. WTH is going on??? I DID see this movie and all I remember was that she was supposed to be some Princess Vishaka of some mythical kingdom and that there were two Naseerudins. I agree with PPCC's post on this movie - it was a travesty! I do however love the idea that once the bad guys have captured the good guys, instead of immediately killing them, they prefer to chain the guy and force the girl to dance sexily (DANCE MONKEY DANCE!).



8. Jaane Woh Kaisa Chor - Yaarana
It has become clear that Madhuri is the Queen of the Bad Guy's Lair Dances. Congratulations Madhuri! Your prize is to have your husband and children chained to the wall and made to watch while you dance and sing in your sparkly outfit of choice. Enjoy your reign!

But here's more angry Madhuri choosing to express her indignance through song and dance. Oh and a really freaky Raj Babbar - I would be too terrified to entice this guy! Hey did he borrow Khal Nayak's mansion? And it's nice that he invited guests for her display. Love when she nails him with the drink at the end. And OMG another slap!!! What is wrong with me? I cannot like this stuff. This movie was so freakin' weird too. I should recap it for as a Shameful Classic if there's time.



9. Dushman Dil Ka Jo Hai - Roop Ki Rani Choron Ka Raja
How can I NOT love a set with a giant golden Sphinx? Pretty rockin' party there Anupam Kher. And MAN, Sridevi is totally queen of the Angry Dance. Way to stay undercover there, Sri.



10. Aayi Woh Raat - Parvarish
So unfortunately this song doesn't feature the AMAZING Villain's Lair in Parvarish, but instead brings the distraction/revenge song to a performance venue. But what a fabulous technicolor set! You CAN see part of the lair starting at about 3:08 in this video clip. And OMG there's a submarine too!



11. Mujhe Maar Daalo - Geeta Mera Naam
This video is super crazy. First of all, Sadhana is rocking her outfit there. And being whipped by the bad guys always makes me burst into song. Then we have Helen hanging out in the cotton candy pink bubble bath lounge wearing the Miss Universe crown (and very little else) and generally being awesome. Shoot, everyone is going to think I have a violent love fetish. But don't tell me you don't kind of want to hang out in this place! If I had it to myself, I'd bring in roller skates and put on the Xanadu soundtrack.



12. Jai Maa Kaali - Karan Arjun
Ahhh. Amrish Puri revisits his Kali Maa cave from Indiana Jones! I love love love this song and totally want to be out there dancing with these guys (omg I LOVE Sallu in this). This cool cave comes complete with waterfalls, skylights, high ceilings, and four people that want to kill you. Oh, and a creepy mad old Rakhee seeking revenge for her dead sons that have been reborn and look exactly the same. OMG I love this movie!!! I want to see it again.



13. Dekho Arre Dilbar - Pran Jaye Par Vachan Na Aaye
This is by far the BEST villain's lair I have ever seen. It's so sparkly!!! Crystal/mirrored/tinsel walls, rose petal beds, a wall cut-out bar (1:53). I have not seen this movie but after watching this video I am putting it on my list. I totally didn't even recognize Rekha!



14. Mehmaanon Ko Salaam Hai Mera - Meri Aawaaz Suno 
I think there was a room that looked like this at my college (somewhere in the Michigan Union, Univ of Michigan Ann Arbor - GO BLUE!). Sadly, there was no Jumping Jack Flash Jeetendra in silver lame (his son was wandering around there somewhere though). So this time the guy is more of the entertainment, but the fun here was that both he and Parveen were undercover cops in this lair.



15. Kaise Mukhde Se - English Babu Desi Mem
Sonali Bendre looks gorgeous but man, she can't dance. But this movie was heartbreaking. They can always get me by using a kid. Oh look! It's the same background dancer girls from Nayak Nahin, Ole Ole, etc. I can't remember exactly how she ends up the "property" of creepy guy in the chair, but seriously, if he "owned" her, the first thing he would do would be to make her dance a qawaali? Really like the stained glass mirror work on the bar, very classy. Nice colors of peach and white. If I remember correctly, this entire song took place on a yacht. Awesome choice there Kiran Kumar.



I think I could go on forever and my brain is starting to hurt, so I'm going to stop myself. But I WOULD like to hear from y'all about the ones I've missed, I'm sure there are PLENTY of them out there. Let me know what I'm missing from this shameful list!